The Best Marriage Advice No One Ever Gave Me

My little brother just got married, and I still haven’t given him my best piece of marriage advice.

Of course, I believe choosing someone who shares your faith matters deeply. You want a spouse who will pursue Jesus with you, pray with you, and help point you back to God.

But once you’ve covered that, here is my extremely practical advice:

Marry someone you don’t mind cleaning with.

I’m serious.

My husband and I have been married for nine years, and the other night, after we finally got the kids into bed, I sat down on the couch hoping we could talk.

But my husband looked around and said, “I’m too stressed. I can’t talk right now. I’m overstimulated. There’s stuff everywhere.”

And there was.

Hot Wheels covered the floor. Barbies were scattered around the room. Random cups, socks, toys, and all the other evidence that tiny people live in our house seemed to be everywhere at once.

So we got up and went after it.

He picked up the Hot Wheels. I gathered the Barbies. We wiped down surfaces and slowly restored some order to the chaos.

It wasn’t romantic. There were no candles, meaningful conversations, or grand declarations of love. But after nine years of marriage, I’m learning that love often looks a lot less like a movie and a lot more like picking up toys together at the end of a long day.

So much of marriage is cleaning up messes—often messes neither of you made.

Sometimes the mess is physical. It’s a sink full of dishes, a mountain of laundry, or a living room that looks like a toy store exploded.

Other times, the mess is emotional. It’s stress from work, disappointment, grief, exhaustion, or wounds that existed long before either of you said, “I do.”

In those moments, a strong marriage isn’t about keeping score or deciding whose mess it is. It’s about looking at the person you love and saying, “You don’t have to handle this alone.”

Galatians 6:2 tells us, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

That kind of love isn’t always glamorous, but it is holy.

It’s praying for your husband when he feels overwhelmed. It’s apologizing when you were wrong. It’s choosing patience when you’re both tired. It’s stepping into a mess together because your marriage matters more than proving whose turn it is to clean it up.

Maybe you’re in a season where the mess feels never-ending. The house is loud, the laundry multiplies overnight, and you’re both running on fumes. Or maybe the mess you’re facing is one no one else can see.

Either way, don’t overlook the sacredness of simply showing up for each other.

A healthy marriage isn’t one without messes. It’s one where two imperfect people keep choosing to face those messes together, with a whole lot of grace and Jesus at the center.

And while I’m sure our children will eventually stop leaving Hot Wheels and Barbies everywhere, those physical messes may someday be replaced by more complicated emotional ones.

Although, now that I think about it, I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

The Hot Wheels might be simpler. - Joy